Frustration... self-pity and -loathing

Well, I DID say I would share frustrations as well as what I am doing, right or wrong. I haven't been doing much of anything except having a pity party. I am reevaluating my plan, my life, and where it all fits in.

I am currently dealing with being stressed out about what is NOT happening in my life. All the things I have started and stopped before they were done, my job and businesses that I have "to dos" piling up, and where I am in regards to my body (it's getting bigger and floppier!) All of this is piling up to a paralysis. My workouts become yet ANOTHER thing that I was SUPPOSED to do but didn't... bingo, one more thing to beat myself up over. GRRRR ARRRRGH!! I am also nervous about my tendonitis on my foot. Seeing as how I don't have medical insurance, it becomes a handy excuse for not running. Maybe I am not ready for this. My heart's not in it right now. Granted, my heart's not into much of anything at the moment.

I KNOW that I can't just roll over and die, that's not really an option. I just need to get off my pity pot and do something about my life. AHHH!

Hmmm... Well, I am going to ride my bike tonight, it's a start... again. I have historically used food to cope with all these feelings of wretchedness, self-loathing, fear, avoidance, etc etc etc. I can shift my thinking to go for a bike ride, swim or jog or even a walk or yoga instead of eating. I CAN shift my thinking and my priorities. I HAVE the power. It is MY choice.

Okay, I feel better already. Not 100%, but it's a step in the right direction. We all need a little "Check-up, from the neck up" from time to time.

Week 1 Day 3: Some good choices, some... maybe not.

Thanks for the feedback, Julie!  (if you are not Julie and would like to find out what I'm talking about... she commented on yesterday's post! )  I will implement your suggestions in tomorrow's eating and drinking.

As for today...

Food was a little bit on the wishy washy side.  I had a few good moments.  And some that weren't the best.  I think because of my previous experience with Weight Watchers, which was always productive, I will go back to tracking my food that way.  I promise to get enough food energy to cover the workouts as well.  I'm going to write it as I bite it, as they say.  Oh, and track its consequences.  In this case, its Points value.

Food 1:

2 reduced fat Pillsbury crescent rolls

1 oz cheese

1 oz canadian bacon

a squeeze each of ketchup and mustard

Food 2:

8 oz 1% milk

1 c. shredded wheat cereal

banana

Food 3:

1.5 breaded chicken patties (270 cal. total)

1.5 oz cheese

2 T.  Ketchup

Food 4:

3 pot stickers

2 oz? bbq pork

Pork Chow Mein

Sweet & Sour Chicken

1/2 egg roll

tea + 2 t. sugar

Food 5:

Damn.... oh yeah, it's supposed to be "bite it BEFORE you write it"  duh!  Wow, I'm embarrassed!  Well, I guess this is as good an accountability tool as I will get.  I'm mildly mortified that I eat so much crap!

Okay, fine, back to...

Food 5:

2 hershey pot of gold chocolate truffles (the caramel kind)

and another bowl of shredded wheat. (so milk and shredded wheat)

Well, one may read that and think I am not serious about making a change; but, I am.  It's really good to see what I am putting in my body.  Just typing that was a good thing.  

At any rate, I will work on my fueling.

As for fitness:

I went to water aerobics tonight.  I even called a friend to have her join me.  we had a blast!  

It was just under an hour and incorporated aerobics as well as some strength work (arms) and the workout focussed on the core.  

Okay, let's just say the abs are feeling the burn from this week's work.  Good thing!  And my Quads and Hamstrings (but mostly just in my left leg.)  

I'm feeling pretty good about the progress.  And YES there IS progress.  

Signing off!  Stay tuned for the next exciting installment!

Week 1 Day 2: My first run... in a looooong time

Okay, so it didn't kill me.  I don't even look back on today's run with feelings of anger or regret.  I guess you could say it felt pretty good.  

I woke up and had some yogurt and a couple nuts, and some water and got dressed for mildly chilly weather.  Note to self: I probably don't need a stocking cap unless it is biting cold... perhaps just my fleece ear warmers (they fit better in the pocket.)  The sun was shining and the air was fresh.   

It was an easy 10 min warm up walk from my house to Laurelhurst Park.  I did have some pain on the top of my foot at the ankle/bend.  It's a spot where my podiatrist poked and said "oh, a little tendonitis here."   I loosened my laces when I got to the park and that helped some.  (though I still had some pain this evening... I iced it and then took an advil.)   Then I stretched at the opening of the park and proceeded to run the paths.  My instructions were 25-30 min run at L1-L2.  I occasionally popped into the L3 range and had to walk only a couple stretches.  All in all, I was okay with that.  One thing that helped was giving myself a goal "if I just run to the lamp post, I can walk until that tree."   I got to almost my 25 min point and decided to continue running toward home.  I made it to 25 mins and then decided to go a little longer, "Just to 28th, then I'll cool down."  That was good because about a half block away, I almost stopped running, then had that promise of 28th to remind myself.  It feels good to follow through.  And, I know my body can do it.  It's not like I was asking myself to run non-stop up Tabor (though I know that is in my future.)

After the run, I went through the stretches Julie gave me.  Poncho, my cat, helped me.  He's our household yoga cat.  I felt good after the stretching.  It feels good to accomplish something good for me before noon!  

I followed that with a lunch of whole wheat spaghetti and my ground turkey, chunky vegetable marinara (parmesan on top), w/ some whole grain toast and a little butter and garlic on top.  I also had a 1% milk.

Then off to work...  

Dinner:  Pork Chop (3 oz) w/ apple and onion.  Three bean salad and reduced fat crescent roll (JUST ONE!!!  Yay Me!  That's an accomplishment) and a small glass of milk.

Again, I have yet to do my core work, but I will.  Last night I did a 20 minute yoga for abs dvd.  I was feeling the need to be told exactly what to do.  I certainly do need to do the exercises Julie taught me... before I forget them.  And the more I do them, the more I strengthen those muscles so it's not so damn hard.  Cuz WOAH! I was in some pain for a couple days after that.  Even in between my shoulder blades.   Perhaps the yoga will help me "sneak up" on my abs and make it easier to do the heavier exercises.  

Oh, and I am enjoying my stickers on the calendar approach to tracking my fitness.  It's a sparkly way to say "Yup I did that!"

Week 1 Day 1: Back on the wagon, and back in the pool!

Today I fessed up to Julie that I hadn't done my pre-season training.  Here she is, helping me meet my goals and prepare for this race in a healthy, injury-free (knock wood) way and I start out slacking.  Well, I was happy to find out that she is not going to let me off so easily.  Yeah!  That is EXACTLY what I need... some tough love!  I will be checking in with her once a day after I have completed my workout and core work and stretching.

Like many others, I am sure, I have difficulty sticking to a plan if I am only holding myself accountable.  I certainly don't want to continue that habit.  These things take practice in order to improve the execution.  So, I will assume that I will get better and better at doing the tasks that I need to do to reach my goals... in fitness and in life... every time I actually do them!  Each time I follow through, I intend to reward myself with some praise and an "Atta Girl!"  Well, at least a sticker for my calendar!  It's a great way to have a visual indication of my success on the path to my goal!

Brass tacks:

10 min warm up

5 min stretch

40 min swim L1-L2

10 min cool down 

Yet to do...  (and I will update this when I do it!)

   I will warm up again and stretch

and OF COURSE do my core workout!  

(did Yoga for abs (practice 2) that night)

    

Operation: Bald, Beautiful, & Beneficial

Well, the day has come... in fact, it snuck up on me! Tonight I, and several of my teammates are shaving our heads to raise awareness and benefit several organizations! You might think we are crazy, but we believe our one act can help to raise awareness and enhance our fund-raising efforts, not to mention contributing to the great organizations who will benefit from receiving our hair. Please come to support, cheer or laugh... just come down! Bring friends, bring news crews, whomever!!

WHEN: Friday Sept 5 @ 7 pm
WHERE: Salmon Street Fountains at Waterfront Park

THE ORGANIZATIONS TO BENEFIT:

Leukemia and Lymphoma Society - We are conducting an awareness and fund-raiser to further the great mission of LLS to find a cure for blood cancers in our lifetime!
Locks Of Love - all hair 10" and longer will go to making natural hair wigs for children who have suffered hair loss due to radiation, chemotherapy, and other medical reasons.
Matter of Trust - all little pieces will be made into hair mats that are used in oil spill clean up.

My journey with Team in Training has been amazing! The triathlon is ONE WEEK away!!!
Thanks for all your support thus far! You can still donate as little or as much as you want (even $5 helps) at www.RalynTNT. com

GO TEAM!!!
Ralyn

Keeping warm with laughter and friendship!

This is me with my dear teammate, Katy! She is awesome! She was my partner for the ocean swim on Sunday. She taught me how to body surf. We had a blast... even though our feet, hands and faces started going numb!

This weekend... Friday and Saturday, we are holding a garage sale on NE Davis, just off of 20th. Come on by! All money raised will go to our fundraising for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. There will be furniture, girls', women and men's clothes. Also, a bunch of outdoor gear and a couple of nice Canon cameras.

Come on out and support our team! And get some stuff for yourself!

I must say, that one of the greatest things about this experience has been the friendships I've made. These are some of the most wonderful people I could ever have hoed to struggle through this with! WOW! I am so proud to be on their team! Heck, some of us are shaving our heads together! That's love!

I love you guys!!

Cheers! GO TEAM!!

A grey day on the coast

Brrrrrrrr... have you ever had an ice cream headache? That's what it feels like when you dive through the waves in the Pacific Ocean. Woah, I just got chilly thinking about it!

I must say, we had a blast in Manzanita. Coach Julie is making sure to prepare us for our race in every way possible. This, of course, includes COLD WATER SWIMS!

Come back later... I have more to tell you about this, but I have to run!